Why Am I Still Awake?

I'M an asshole?! Fuck YOU!!

So that's my latest idea for a mixtape. All time, great breakup songs of the jilted love, screwed over, threatened repurcussions variety. Believe it or not, this has not in any way been influenced by a specific event in my past, but by a mind adrift during hour 7 of my Tulsa to Chicago drive today. I was just yelping along with the 13th Floor Elevators' "You're Gonna Miss Me" and a wave came over me.

Like I said, it's not personal... yet. But I do feel it's always good to plan for the future. You never know when some chick is really gonna give you the business. Other candidates for probable inclusion thus far are "Kiss Off" by the Violent Femmes and Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice (It's Alright)" or maybe "Just Like a Woman." I'm too tired to mine iTunes or my frizzled memory right now, so I'll leave it there til tomorrow. Or forever.

Oh, and all great suggestions are welcome. I think the probability of my mixtapes coming to fruition are directly proportional to the feedback I receive. Mostly in person, but bloggy comments couldn't hurt.

Sooooo, Tulsa was good and crazy. Again. I swear, that town has turned into my sanity's worst enemy. Something about the combination of old friends, a brother who's a giant, partying, tank of a man, having to stay at my mom's house, and a lack of public transportation make T-Town bar crawling an almost terrifying experience. In a good way. If that's possible.

Oh, and here's some unbelievably adorable pics of my niece, courtesy of my iPhone.

Some Fourth of July Madness

My 4th wasn't too exciting, really. I spent the vast majority of it moving into a new apartment near the University of Illinois-Chicago (UIC). It's about a mile southwest of the loop, but it's quieter, trains don't wage war on my fragile eardrums every five minutes, and, most importantly, I have a parking spot to call my own. There's really no way to accurately express how much that means to me.

Anyway, I did manage to have a bit of fun in the 'burbs with some workies. I'm talking Naperville Ribfest 2009, y'all. Surprisingly, it kicked the living crap out of the Taste of Chicago, which was simulcasting in the Chi's Grant Park. Highlights included beer, ribs, and some country artist covering Dolly Parton's "Jolene," which was good enough for me to say "That's not bad," but not good enough to keep me from saying "Man, I want to hear the White Stripes version" or to keep me from bailing halfway through to pwn a portalav.

I should note for potential copyright purposes that the vast majority of these photos were taken by a collegue of mine, whose credentials are available upon request.

Behold the tent of the festival's top purveyor of pork meat.

I had issues spilling my vital fluids, so I had to take matters into my own hands.

Hey ladies!

I thwarted this cadre of 12 year olds looking for donations. Chief was not so lucky.

I think this is going to be my pose. Like Zoolander's Blue Steel, but much less versatile.

Sucking it in after dominance of all things greasy and delicious.

I vaguely remember doing this, but have no recollection why...

Yeah, so... found these on the ground...

Having fun at the after party!

I don't remember if that's beer or water in the cup. But I do know that's a Great Dane on my lap. The End.

And It Came from the Sewer...

Okay, I apologize for posting something so gross, but it had to be done. You can read the full story here.

The short version: last week, a public utilities group in Raleigh, North Carolina discovered something mysterious and disgusting in a sewer pipe via some type of robotic camera. Postulations as to what the "creature(s)" found actually is/are ranged from mold, to worms, to tubificids. You make the call...

This putrid, pulsating, pile of potential protazoa has triggered my gag reflex multiple times this morning. I hope it does something similar for you. And I had planned on eating oatmeal for breakfast in a bit.

Eurotrip Pics

For those non-Facebooked few, here are some highly compressed pics from the trip.

London:

Paris:

Berlin:

Prague:

Venice:

Florence:

Rome:

Okay, So I'm Working and Blogging Again...

...but this is too frustrating.

So, the United States ranks 19th among countries worldwide in average broadband speed. Here's a fun fact: as of August 2008, the average broadband download speed in the US was 2.3 Mb/s (up 17% from the previous year); Japan's average? 63.6 Mb/s.

No wonder the Japs kick the crap out of us in video games. They don't even know what lag is!

I blame the US telecomm companies, as do most people who give more than half a shit. We get charged among the highest broadband fees in the world for the 19th fastest service, right behind the Czech Republic and Luxembourg. Hey, at least we beat Mexico.

We pay, because we have no choice, and, because we pay, ATT and Comcast have no interest in actually making their services better. You know how 3G networks became the kitty cat's PJs here about a year ago? Again, we were years behind the curve. The iPhone is actually selling like poo in a can in most places other than the US, because it's slower and more expensive than widely available alternatives.

Actually, at the rate our services are growing, it'll be about a century before we catch up to the top dogs. Buuuuuuuut at least I can take comfort in the fact that I'm able to play Wolfenstein 3D on my iPhone... for about 45 minutes... before my battery dies.

No More Work Blogging... Good to Be Back Home!!

So, I returned from my European adventure about 2 weeks ago. I survived many things: the death of a digital camera, a respiratory infection bestowed upon me by one of my inconsiderate travel buddies, Berlin, and a giant eff-load of beer.

I took over 1,500 pictures, so forgive me for posting exactly none as of yet. But, honestly, I just changed jobs and I'm a lot busier at work now. That definitely means less blogging, because, seriously, I have better things to do on my own time.

I have managed to go through the pics, but nobody wants to see 1,500 plus. I'll drip feed a few per post over the next few weeks. Until then, my bated breath brethren and sistren (er...), I leave you with two pics:

My last American brew before my flight 'cross the pond...

... and my first English brew upon arrival. Guess which one was better??

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Tonight, I boldly go where I've never gone before. My relatively flexible itinerary for the next two weeks? London, Paris, Berlin, Prague, Venice, Florence, Rome, London, Chicago.

And here's the final tracklist for my Eurotrip Mix:

1. M.I.A. - Paper Planes
2. The Clash - London Calling
3. Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express
4. Iggy Pop - The Passenger
5. The Meat Puppets - Plateau
6. The Kinks - This Time Tomorrow
7. Harry Nilsson - Jump Into the Fire
8. Thievery Corporation - Lebanese Blonde
9. Daft Punk - Around the World
10. LCD Soundsystem - Losing My Edge
11. The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
12. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band - Zig Zag Wanderer
13. The Liars - Plaster Casts of Everything
14. The Hot Snakes - LAX
15. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - Madeleine-Mary
16. Nick Drake - Road
17. Tom Waits - Diamonds & Gold
18. The Magnetic Fields - World Love
19. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
20. Radiohead - Pyramid Song

Lastly, I feel compelled to post a link to the greatest accessory a working professional could ever hope to carry: the business card made from meat.

My favorite quote: "THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS."

Cheers! Adieu! Tschus! Sbohem! Ciao! Bu-bye!

Kinzie Street Gaggle Crossing

So I was walking back to my place from the River North Sports Authority when I came across a strange traffic jam. The Kinzie St. bridge was backed up in both directions. Upon closer inspection, I observed a couple of dudes standing in the middle of the road coaxing two geese and their ridiculous amount of chicks out of harms way.

These brave men were unsuccessful for a solid minute or two, but the retarded birds did eventually decide to head for the water.

I didn't have my camera, unfortunately, and the above image is an approximation of what the chicks would have looked like if half of them were hanging out in a sunny pond area somewhere. I'm blogging about this crap because this was the first traffic jam in the city I've ever witnessed that did not feature a single honked horn.

Traffic backs up because of pedestrians in the crosswalk? *HOOOOOOOOOONK!!!!1!*

Traffic backs up because of cute little goose chiclets? "Aww...."

The Death of a Blog...

It happens every day. I fear it's happening here. Buuuuuuuuut I'm just going to chalk up my recent lack of blogging to traveling and being busier at work and having my brother visit this weekened and blah blah blah.

I'm going to Europe on Friday for 16 days. Upon my return, this blog will experience a deluge of activity... and will most likely die properly shortly thereafter.

Oh, additionally, I'm considering putting together a mix CD for my travel crew. You know, sort of traveling music or something. So far I'm thinking...

Iggy Pop - The Passenger
Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express
Radiohead - Airbag or The Tourist
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
MxPx - Southbound (oh yes, I went there)
Tom Waits - Downtown Train maybe? I don't know
Bob Dylan - It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry

Anyway, that's basically just of the top of me ole noggin. Suggestions are quite welcome. Until next time...

Nordaggio's on a Friday Morning

I'm back in Tulsa for a few days. My new boss told me if I worked on Friday I shouldn't take a vacation day. So, here I am, at a yuppie coffee shop, drinking the last of the African Storm blend from the now empty pot, listening to the Go-Go's, and, yes, blogging.

And what should I be doing? Calculating storage tank bottom corrosion rates, reviewing robotic in-service ultrasonic inspection validation papers, closing a plethora of completed facility integrity projects, finishing up a hydrotest procedure, and moving forward with some other crap involving the Texas Rail Road Commission.

If I had any intention of making actual progress on ANY of the aforementioned, I probably shouldn't have gone drinking with my recently 21'd little brother and some old friends from the university last night.